As what i've mentioned in my earlier post, problem seems to be solve but it is not..all of us are just pretending that we're nothing..but deep down in our heart, we're worried till dead...

This saturday is my first time taking part in the performance with the Phill ever since i joined last month. well..the phill, is not what i was expecting, maybe my previous teacher was too strict and we have the 'quality' instead of the 'quantity'.. but i start to enjoy a little.. they are planning for something big this christmas and next year may..but too bad..chritsmas i might wont be back in m'sia..even next year May i'm not sure when will i be coming back...but the earliest is gonna be end of May...but those were next year...

3:11:00 AM; undramatically.Y

problem solved!!!! really???? that's just temporary, not permantly. I've been told not to worry too much. I tried, but how can i now worry? I know you're trying to calm me down but i've been through this before and i understand you way too much and i know those word. The actual meaning behind those words. I guess the only i can do is pretend not to be worry infront of you.

Last night, i dint get to sleep well.. Why??
First, due to the hot weather..
Second, i had a dream...a weird one...

I dream about panda...not the animal panda from china, is a nickname i gave to one of my fren..Even since that incident, we did not contact for some times..i did try looking for you, but you were sort of 'hiding' from me, so i gaved up looking for you anymore. Few weeks ago, you looked for me..and we chat for awhile and you apologized to me. I was shock, because even i myself had forgotten what had happened years ago.

The dream was so weird, way too weird..we both we at some house, with most our friends there along with us..but those friends were at other room, playing games and left the two of us...inside a room...... =.='''

The funny part is, when i woke up, my sister told me i was talking during my sleep and i was 'scolding' her..haha..but i cant make the link between scolding my sister along with panda in my dream...hmmm...a real weird one...

8:09:00 AM; undramatically.Y

eh, why am i here??? bloggin some more..tsk tsk....bad me. i'm in office and bloggin instead of completing my task.

i just read my last post from my own blog and the grammar was good (compared with my older post) and that is when i'm still in UK. but now, when i'm back here, my grammar is poor...AGAIN..and they only person i put that into blame is me myself.

i just recieved some mail ealier today and i have to call home to 'report'..geesss....this get both my mom & me on our neerve and hopefully, things will get settled in a better way then the soulution we manage to make just moment ago.

Though i'm working right now and did not get any pocket money from home, and yet, this does not help much financially to my family, and yet, i'm still giving burden to them. My sibling has been trying to get me to further my studies all the way to MAster, meaning doing at least ONE extra year over there.

Well, its not a bad idea, but we have to be realistic. I've used way too much $$ from my parents and they're old now, moreover, my dad is sick and he need to rest, but he's still working. I cant be depending on siblings too, they have their own family to take care of, they have their own things to be responsibility with.

I've regret on spending way too much last year when i was there. I shoudln't have watch such expensive opera movie, i shoundn't have spend too much on buying things for myself..if i've saved on those spending, i will haev more money with me right now.

i guess is better for me to get back to my work before my boss realise i'm not working .. >.<

10:13:00 AM; undramatically.Y

its been some time since i last update my blog, about 2 months...what have i been doing for the past 2 months? studying hard? wasting time? gaining knowledge? nah...i totally had no idea at all on what i've been doing for the last 2 months...

here i am, sitin ghere, infront of comp in library late night, well, not that late compared with last semester. its almost the end of 2nd semester in Cambridge and i'll be going back to home in 3 weeks time... i'm happy and sad at the same time. why is that so?? happy cuz i get to go back, and become me again...sad is cuz i'll be missing the 'me' here in cmabridge..going to the library late night just to study and finish off all my assiggment, stay up late just to get things done.

back home, i cant do all this, cuz if i'm awake, my mom will be awake, well, is not that i can let my mom know what i'm doin, but it just i feel bad for letting her to stay awake that late with me as well...so i feel bad, so..i go to bed early...

over here, the safety is so good and i can wonder around late night(if i want to) but of course i wouldn't that to put myself into danger. the only time that i'm on the street late night is that when i'm on my way back to my house from library...ekek

ever since i reach here, i've changed...changed way too much..both good and bad. good as in i actually take my studies seriously and i'm happy for my resutls that i get last semesber. well bad is that i've no longer really care bout how ppl feel. for instance, when i'm talking, i never care bout the choice of my word but i just use any word that first came to my mind.

cuz to me, who the hell are they?? haha..see, here i am again, talk without caring bout caring ppl's feeling...

haiz, i'm been talking too much jor la, next week is my finals and i had 1 of my paper today due to some reason and shit!!!!! i screwed it and i dun think i can score an A for this subjest this time. i hope my lecturer will not be too strict with me cuz seriously i dunno what i wrote in that essay...

this week its a bc week, so does next week and hopely i can get the same results as i scored last semester, and go to the place i want to go and get everything sorted out...^^ bye bloggie....

10:44:00 PM; undramatically.Y

here i am, after stop blogging for 5 months, i'm back here....why is this so? i mean why out of sudden, i came back here to blog?

let me tell you guys something...i'm sad...real sad...why? i dunno..pathetic isn't it? i'm sad for no reason. what the **** is wrong with me here? i dunno...i just feel so down..so emo, so sad...so lonely i guess....

i just started my 2nd sem here, and i'm staying with a bunch of chinese. well, that's not my point, my point is, how can i be sad for no reason? am i sick? am i insane? i guess both. there's revision to be done, but i din do..there's some self study to be done, again, i din do it. what the hell is wrong with me here? i miss home,or maybe i should say, i'm missing nothing and that's why, i dunno what i;m missing...

argh!!!!!!!! i dunno what the hell is wrong with me and i dun even know what i wanted right now!!!!! heck!!!! i'm in deep shit!!!! i feel like crying, but i couldn't. i feel like screaming, but i cant...i feel like ounching something hard, few min ago,i feel like slamming my laptop to the floor!!! heck, how could i be so violent????!!?1?1? is this really me? where is 'me' ? what is 'me' right now? i dun even know myself. stopp moving in ur life is worst enough,but moving backward in ur life is worst then that. i guess i'm not only moving backward, i not going anywhere and nothing is going in my life..my life is so plain...so dull...so meaningless...haiz....

9:19:00 PM; undramatically.Y

its my 3rd monday in cambridge..temperature is decreasing...when i first reach here, the temperature its bout 13-15 degree celcius..but now..its below 10 during day time and night time, its below 5..but i'm lucky as there's still sun at this area..unlike scotland..its snowing and rainign heavily there...and so, i'm happy with my choice, to go to northern part of UK instead of the western part...

this week, is the 6th week of lesson and its also 1 of the most busy week during the semester..exams,assignment, presentation..bla bla bla..there's so many...

today(tues) : stats assessments 30%, groud assignment due...
wed : ICT assessments 5%, individual assignment due, lesson task (using MS tools so its kinda easy for me cuz i'm familiar with it)
thrusday : interacitve learning skill presentation which 20% of assessment, planing which is 10% of assessment
friday : its a free day and halloween!!!!

next monday : Math 30% assessments..though its something that i did in A-level..but its so in depth...so difficult..and we only have 2 hours to finish 5 question..shit!!!!

i'm still thinking, should i go for halloween party? i wan to go..but exam on monday...or i should just bring my book n notes along to the party? haha...NO WAY!!!! it gonna be weird..odd..

anyway, gtg....need to do final revision for my exam later which starts at 4pm...so late >.<

11:37:00 AM; undramatically.Y

this post, is not to update my life in cambridge here yet, but its about my thought, towards the society

when i was in secondary skul, my class has more gurl compared with guys and cuz of that, most of the time i can hear ppl talking bout sales, cute guys, hot guys and lots of 'bitching-moment' and of cuz, not all are bad and not all of it is good.

when i'm in college, there's only 2 gal in my class and the rest are guys. at first, i thought hanging out with guys wilk be difficult cuz its a total diff world..well, things went out smoothly and i start to like hanging out with guys more then gals... guys usually dun bitch around, if they hate u, they will just tell u and may just ask u to change or will just ignore u but unlike gals, they will still pretend to like u but bitch bout u behind u. and when u're with guys (or maybe is just my classmate la) some how they will just treat u the same and they dun see as gal.. i mean they wun talk bout gucci, prada with u..instead, they talk bout more technical stuff

maybe my class has computing, so ppl will talk bout software, games and how to get this done in a nicer way and its something really useful to life and during lunch time, if we were to go out in one big group, it wont take them long to order food..but gals, gosh!!!! they will just their own sweet time thinking of what to eat and if that food is fatening or not..(not all gal la) and there's some is even worst..after they place their order, and they saw some other thing and which is looks nice, they will request to change it. cant these gal make up their own mind?

and today, this guy..i know fom quite some time...trust me, for those who know this guy in real life, he is sux to da MAX!!!!!! if u have him in ur msn list, he will never ever say hi to u unless he feel bored..or when he's watching porn!!!! come on la...if u're watching porn, f*ck off k!!! u dun have to send me all those link and 'share' with me ur joy. i dun need them!!!!! i rmb the last time he say hi to me was around feb?mar? cant really rmb when... and i saw him saying hi..and i know is something bad and well..for the 1st few min he talked nice and i thought i was wrong bout him..but then, i was right!!!! he just send me lots link on porn but i just ignore those link and i ignore him too...eh come on la, dun spoil guys reputation k? i know guys or many ppl out there like to watch porn, but come on...not sharing it this way..now shooooo!!!!!!! just now, this fren just chat with me n again, he send me lots porn link and i scolded him teruk !!!!( serve him right)

and shit!!!! assignment to rush again ppl..shall update my blog bout my life here soon(hope so)

10:28:00 PM; undramatically.Y